On the island of Okinawa you are considered to be a child until you turn 55. I turned 55 this year. This little tidbit of information came from some “60 Minutes” episode I saw in my 40’s. At that time it seemed like an absurd notion, now not so much.
I am writing this late December the 12th but not posting today. I’ll put this together after our oncology meeting on December 14th.
The biopsy took place today and everything went without a hitch, from a procedural point of view. From a preliminary results point of view, just one more kick in the stomach.
Before I get to these details let me share our perspective.
Feeling positive and upbeat during this time is the equivalent of building a beautiful home on the San Andréa’s fault. The solid foundation of hope adorned with the optimism of the expert’s opinion is all decorated inside with the latest support of family and friends; a true mansion for all to love and admire. You get very comfy fast in a place like this. You forget this isn’t built on solid ground.
And so it was we started this day full of hope. In fact this is a very significant date in our history. Thirty years ago to the day (it was a Saturday in 1981) we went with a bunch of friends up Grouse Mountain (just north of Vancouver) to cut Christmas trees. Jody was 22 years old I was 24. Our mode of transport was a HUGE Ford Bronco with enormous wheels jacked up so high you needed help to climb in. Our friend Alf new the back roads and thought this would make a great activity and of course, the trees were free.
So why was this a significant date? Jody was a little over 9 months pregnant and so was Alf’s wife Tina. The snow was waist deep, the roads near the top were nonexistent and once you stepped out of the vehicle every step was a struggle.
Looking back this may not have been the best idea but the four of us, plus several other friends in another 4 X 4, had never laughed so much in our lives. When we went back to set up the tree at a friends house in North Vancouver Jody said she wasn’t feeling all that great. She was feeling the first part of labour pains. The next morning her water broke and on December 14 Matthew was born. Happy 30th Matt!
Jody and I reminisced about those days as we drove into Toronto East General. It is incredible to look back at our youth, carefree and filled with great expectations. Now by Okinawa standards I am at childhoods end.
Surgeon’s Faces
During the biopsy process that lasted about 2 hours (with recovery time) I left the hospital to run some errands. The plan was to meet up with Aunty Brenda and Mitch around 2 pm as Jody was coming out of the anesthetic. Finding parking was hellish so I arrived about 10 minutes after Brenda and Mitch. The news from the volunteer was that all had gone well and she had even heard Jody laughing. Some things never change.
The surgeon Dr. N.S. stopped by for a quick hello and a very perfunctory visit. He seemed a lot more engaged and concerned than the first time we had met, that was comforting. Jody was eventually rolled out from the recovery area to a hospital room for observation. She was alert and upbeat, so were we.
About an hour or more after the surgery I stepped out of the room while a nurse gave Jody her clothes and checked her vital signs before her discharge. It was then that I saw Dr. N.S waving for me to join him. This was the second time that I looked at a surgeon’s face and new he had bad news.
I was devastated. This was no kick in the stomach. It was not supposed to be this result. Every expert we spoke to said these cells would not be positive for cancer. I cannot describe the emotion of telling Jody. It had to be done. It was better that she was lying down and I have never been very good at lying to Jody. She would know something was wrong.
Now it is Dec. 13, this past night was the worst sleep I have had throughout this ordeal. Jody’s pain from the surgery was noticeable and she struggled to make it subside. Thank God for pain pills. And stupid me was concerned that she was taking too many pills.
Reminder to Peter you are on the outside looking in.
Here is this beautiful girl of my dreams staving off the pain in her nurse like methodical fashion, two pills to start and one pill every 45 minutes until she got ahead of it. And I am worried about addiction and my own ridiculous insecurities. Second note to Peter, shut up. It’s her pain and her emotions first.
Today Dr. N.S. office called to say they should have prescribed more pain pills because he forgot that he could not prescribe his usual morphine due to her allergy.
Now I really feel ridiculous. Oh and they also mentioned that they had to do a lot of manipulation because the cell area was so small.
Well on we go to our oncology appointment. More news to come.
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